Tastes
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12: Hmm, this is sweet, creamy, and tasty. The cream flavor is there and it tastes authentic. There is some alcohol, which could be whiskey or could be rum since it has plenty of cinnamon and vanilla mixed with toffee but also mixed with some fireworks and hints of cloves. There's a little bit of an eggnog vibe to it, but what do you expect from Horchata? Ultimately, it's surprisingly tasty and doesn't add any clearly bad notes. It's worth a try. The texture is more watery than that of Bailey's. The flavor is also substantially more like rubber tires. There is some nice spice and I appreciate the caramel sweetness, but it tastes like fake caramel that is made with way too much corn syrup (though it does also have a nice rich browned butter flavor). The taste of cinnamon rolls is hard to overlook here and is quite appealing, yet the individual ingredients taste of poor quality, so the result is a drink that tastes like low-grade (but not necessarily bad) cinnamon rolls. It costs the mouth like the residue from sugary breakfast cereal to an interesting and alarming extent. It's sweet and hedonistic as an alcoholic drink for kids, but it's kind of exactly that. It certainly isn't as good as Bailey's, though it is quite sweet with some nice spices flavor. That said, I don't particularly object to it. For the price, it's not worth it, but to turn down a free sip would be a poor choice.17.0 USD per Bottle
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Ezra Brooks 90 Proof Kentucky Straight Bourbon
Bourbon — Kentucky, USA
Reviewed October 9, 2020 (edited February 14, 2021)Rating: 12/23 N: Cinnamon, caramel, suwdusty wood, a faint nuttiness, spices (including a dry, ryeness), and also plenty of mineral. Maybe a hint of alcohol, but that's acceptable at 45% ABV. If it weren't for the mineral, this would be a very nice hedonistic nose. P: It's pretty light, but it has a big cinnamon woodiness and some fairly light caramel and faint nuttiness bringing it up a bit. Mostly, this is about the cinnamon woodiness. There's a suggestion of vanilla, but not much. This is not complex, but considering the bottom-shelf cost, it serves its purpose well. I really wish it were richer though because that minerality holds it back from that Wild Turkey 101 level of hedonism. I might get a hint of that alcohol in here. F: Minerals, cinnamon, a bit of sawdusty wood, and faint elements of caramel and vanilla. Not as nice as the palate because of the increased minerality, but not awful. Side by side, Wild Turkey 101 is much better than this, all around. On the other hand, Jim Beam Black is only slightly better (it's lighter, but more complex and funky) and Ancient Age is not quite as good (I like its fun candy sweetness, but it's a bit jarring). The richness here is, surprisingly, much more substantial than that of Lazy River. At the end of the day, I think I need to go with a high 11 or low 12. I'm landing on the 12 this time. I could sip this if my palate were burned out and I'm sure it's fine enough in many mixed drinks, but I think I'm better off just stocking Wild Turkey 101 and Ancient Age. Sure, the Wild Turkey is proportionately a lot more expensive, but it's just so much better and when I'm drinking something that's under $20 for a bottle, health and happiness are much bigger concerns that those extra few bucks. Ancient Age, on the other hand, has a much different profile, which is likely more appealing to whiskey newbies (I use this term in the most sincerely positive way) and is just kind of a fun, easy drinker now and then. I just don't see what I would do with Ezra Brooks12.0 USD per Bottle -
Ezra Brooks 90 Proof Kentucky Straight Bourbon
Bourbon — Kentucky, USA
Reviewed October 9, 2020 (edited February 14, 2021)Rating: 11/23 N: Some wood leading into cinnamon, a bit of tartness, mineral, some alcohol. Not complex or particularly good, but not bad. P: Sadly, the more I drink of this, the less I like it. There's some nice cinnamon and heat and it doesn't have any artificial flavors, but it's just so light and laden with minerals. The palate is better than the nose though, with more sweetness, richness, and fullness, with a caramel element coming in. The complexity is minimal, but not totally absent. F: Mineral, cinnamon, wood, some of that tartness, maybe a dash of sweetness. Nothing memorable here, but nothing actively bad either. I find it kind of hard to figure out what to do with this. To me, this has fallen onto the wrong side of the value proposition now. I used to think of it a fairly one-note but solid, but now I'm seeing its weaknesses coming through more and more. This is far inferior to the likes of Wild Turkey 101 and Elijah Craig Small Batch, and I think I'll be buying those instead in the future. I'd personally probably still take this over Early Times, but not by much and I can well see why many would go the other way. I think I have to go with an 11 for this now.12.0 USD per Bottle -
12: There's cinnamon, there's sweet, there's tart, there's spice. It isn't super complex, but it's balanced with a moderate kick and no banana. Definitely on the cinnamon side, but under control. It's a great base for aging whiskey at home, but it's not super great for sipping. It's enjoyable for the richness and sweetness if not for the complexity.12.0 USD per Bottle
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Lazy River Kentucky Straight Bourbon
Bourbon — Kentucky, USA
Reviewed October 9, 2020 (edited December 28, 2022)Rating: 10/23 I've given this some time to breathe. N: Apples, light caramel, sweet cereal, sour mash, minerals, spices (cinnamon). It's an adequate nose, but it's boring. P: Sweet with somewhat light caramel with hints of butterscotch. Cinnamon, mineral, a bit of tartness, and faint cereal. There's really too much mineral though and it's too lightly flavored. There isn't anything that tastes bad in here though. F: The mineral comes out more here and the cinnamon burn lingers. Hints of caramel and cereal remain. Not actively bad, but certainly not very good. This is absolutely not a bad bourbon. There's nothing objectionable to it, but there isn't anything good either. It isn't interesting or rich or much of anything. Evan Williams White and Ezra Brooks are both richer and neither of those is what I would really consider a rich whiskey. Evan Williams White is also more complex and interesting. I personally also refer the more candy-like profile of Ancient Age, but I can totally understand anyone liking the profile that this has better. I think that the quality is pretty close to that of Early Times. Considering how this compares with those other bourbons, I think it has to be a 10 or 11. I'm going with 10, which is what I gave Early Times. There's just no way that this is worth $30.30.0 USD per Bottle -
Two Founders 80 Acres Vodka
Unflavored Vodka — Iowa, USA
Reviewed October 7, 2020 (edited April 30, 2021)Rating: 10/23 N: I get alcohol on the nose, but who would have expected otherwise? There's a hint of grain, but otherwise it smells like faint chemical. Definitely not the worst chemical smell, but not appealing either. It's a more austere nose than Kirkland's French vodka or Beluga Noble. P: Kind of bitter but not in a way that screams chemicals (though I would definitely use the word chemical to describe this palate). Also quite watery. There's something that I guess I'd describe as artificial grain? I've never experienced quite this flavor before. It's disappointing, but not awful. The worst part here is the harshness. It's quite noticeably harsher than Beluga Noble and it quickly really starts to burn. It certainly isn't as harsh as Everclear 190, but its flavor isn't much better either. F: Not an awful finish. The harshness lingers, unfortunately, but that was to be expected. A soft, mellow bitterness that has a faintly chemical presence mixes with some nondescript sweetness. As a bland vodka that is fairly harsh, this succeeds. It has less character than Kirkland's French vodka does, but I can understand how that particular profile could be a turn-off for some I'm pretty neutral on the profiles between the two, but this one is definitely harsher. Personally, though, I also prefer the Kirkland flavor because the chemicals just aren't there. Despite their comparatively light presence, they are still the main flavor here. I would rate this fairly highly if only it were less harsh. As it is, I think a rating of 11 is the highest I can imagine, but it is probably at least an 8. I gave Everclear 190 a 9 rather than something more like a 7 because its high proof gave it potential for spiking juice without watering it down. This is better in terms of harshness and flavor, but it it certainly is more watery. As a neat drink, this is closer in quality to Kirkland French vodka than to watered down Everclear due to the harshness. Considering that and where each of them lie, I think 9 to 11 is more reasonable for this, with 9 being increasingly doubtful. I'm borderline between 10 and 11 on this, but I think I'm landing on 10 because the harshness is just a bit too much and the palate is neither interesting nor tasty.12.0 USD per Bottle -
Rating: 7/23 N: Super sweet. Cherry, Hawaiian Punch, something a bit artificial and off-putting like Veil Citron. Not much complexity here, but as a sweet mixer in a fruity drink, it smells like it could work. P: It's fruity, sweet, and just a bit artificial. Cherry cough syrup, to some extent. It's a bit more bitter and tart than the nose suggested. That artificial citron taste kind of becomes cranberries a bit. I do get some more herbal, bitter flavors, and maybe a hint of pine that could be the juniper, but more than that I get cranberry herbal infusion. You know, that stuff in tea bags that tastes awful if you leave it in hot water for more than 3 seconds? This is a far superior version of that though. There are some sweet raspberry flavors as well and maybe a little bit of cherry, but I have trouble picking anything else out. F: The artificial flavor stays and the tartness comes out a bit more. I am even more convinced that it tastes like cranberry. There's still some bitterness and sweetness. The finish doesn't improve my opinion of this. Well, it isn't good. I don't think I've had a raspberry liqueur - which this reminds me of - that's worse than this. At the same time, it's far from being as bad as Southern Comfort. It tastes quite artificial and sweet, but it's just nowhere near being as bad. This is actively unenjoyable, but it at least isn't harsh and it certainly isn't among the bottom few things I've tasted. I can't imagine going harsher than a 4 on this, but I also can't see higher than an 8. I'm was thinking that a 6 was most appropriate for a while, but now I'm thinking of a 7. An 8 seems more plausible than it did before, but not likely. That artificial flavor is pretty bad. At least it doesn't rip the taste buds off of my tongue though.13.0 USD per Bottle
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11: The nose is surprisingly vegetal, yet bitter and sort of like Copper Fox Rye a tad. There's something sweet and floral in a sickly but not vanilla way that I'm having trouble placing. Not a very complex nose or a super appealing one, but it's a bit interesting. The palate is initially clean and sweet with no heat, but then some strong juniper bitterness comes in. There's plenty of cucumber flavor throughout. The body is moderately viscous and there's a numbingness that persists on the end. It isn't bad, but it is fairly simple. It's interesting that it's distilled from grapes because it has a bit of that clean flavor of grappa with the cucumber and sweetness, but it doesn't have any of the gross bread. So it isn't as bad as grappa at least. It's a tad interesting, but is otherwise not very good. The flavor is mostly clean with a bit of dry gin. It isn't as interesting or well executed as Voyager is. I think it's largely grape distillate and juniper. Voyager is less sharp, more balanced, more rich, and more interesting. Voyager is also a bit more viscous and is just generally better executed. Voyager is definitely at least a couple of points better, possibly as many as 4 or 5. Yeah, Pacific Voyager is a lot better. I'm thinking 5 points better now. The sophistication is just that much better. Maybe the gap isn't so severe. The grape sweetness is fun. I'll give this an 11 for now, but I can imagine a 12. I can also imagine going lower. It's really not a very good gin, unfortunately.15.0 USD per Bottle
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Van Meer's Tiramisu Liqueur
Other Liqueurs — Netherlands
Reviewed October 7, 2020 (edited November 28, 2021)10: The nose is sweet with hint sod chocolate and coffee. It smells kind of like Swiss Miss. The palate is richer and has a little more coffee though. As it develops, the coffee comes out more and becomes more enjoyable. There's always a weird, syrupy flavor here, but there are still good flavors. It's a bit too sweet with a corn syrup backing, but it's kind of tasty like Halloween candy. Van Meer's chocolate is more impressive, farting more like Tootsie rolls and Hershey's bars. This has some notions of mascarpone with its chocolate and coffee, but it doesn't have much strength in anything. It's sort of like it's a fake tiramisu and what is anyone supposed to do with that flavor? That a bunch of notes of powdered sugar meeting erythritol too, so it has some other issues. This tastes interesting enough, but it's more of a gimmick with flaws than a useful drink. This tastes a bit like tiramisu there's some sort of coffee and a rich flavor with a bit of creaminess (though not quite enough). There are some cereal notes that suggest of cake and also hints of butter. It's hard to imagine the use of this drink, but it's definitely reminiscent of tiramisu. There are sweet notes that combine with hints of cocoa powder too. That mascarpone flavor does come out a bit too, making this an elaborate drink, but also making it one that is tough to find a use for. The sweetness tastes a bit artificial, but with its depth of flavor (i.e. coffee, mascarpone, cream, cocoa, cake), it's interesting enough. I do wish that it had richness to compare with Van Meer's Chocolate though.13.0 USD per Bottle -
Rating: 11/23 I hear a lot of praise here and there for both this and Early Times (which weirdly both have names that mean pretty much the same thing). I got Early Times, didn't like it, and then it grew on me. It still isn't good whiskey, but I was intrigued, so I grabbed a bottle of this as well. Let's see how it is. N: It has a lighter nose than Early times does, with a bit more spices and cereal, but less oil and fruit. There's this lightly malty creaminess to the nose as well. Being faint and light, the result is thoroughly uninspiring. There isn't any problem with alcohol presence though. P: I get some caramel here, but it's generally a pretty light palate. There's a lightness to the caramel that makes me think a bit of just sugar and it comes with a faint cereal note that blends nicely into the mild, smooth creaminess. There's some vanilla in with the creaminess and a light, faintly fruity tartness rounding out the palate along side a nice dash of spices. The mouthfeel is moderate, which works well enough. This isn't awful by any means, but this is one of those ones that is more of an introductory bourbon or the type of thing that you throw in a mass-produced cocktail for a party. It actually reminds me a bit of a scotch, strangely enough with this soft creaminess. The light flavors aren't really anything I particularly like and it's hotter than Early Times despite being more lightly flavored, but it still doesn't have much alcohol presence despite its mild flavor, so that's quite nice. F: The creaminess lingers. This is possibly the best part of the experience because the creaminess just lingers on and on. The tartness stays at first, but it quickly drops out. There's some vanilla and a light general sweetness from the caramel lingering as well. This is a different experience than Early Times, but both fill the niche of a $10 mild bourbon that is friendly for new drinkers and easy enough to just drink if you really don't want to analyze your beverage. I'm pretty on the fence between them, but I'm currently leaning a hair toward Ancient Age. Ancient Age does better if I haven't had anything to drink right before it. Early Times, on the other hand, benefits from its full oiliness if it has to compete with a more robust bourbon, such as Wild Turkey 101, preceding it. I'm thinking 9 to 11 on this. A 10 to 11 seems most appropriate since I like it a little bit better than Early Times. I think the gap is large enough that I need to go with 11.10.0 USD per Bottle
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