So, the doorbell rang (which is weird because I don't have one) and standing there in his mustard yellow outfit was my local FedUp delivery guy. "Package for Mr Evolved." "Do I need to sigh..." I asked, but he simply dropped the box at my feet and darted away before I could finish. Was he scared of the package's content or the fact I didn't have any pants on? I'll never know. The box was covered in Asbestos Warning stickers with a return address that just read 'Latrine'. Clearly the can's seal was broken as the bottom of the box was already saturated in something fluorescent yellow and smelling of bug spray and Elmer's glue (the school kind). Inside, the rusted can was already punctured, but it seemed like it was that way on purpose- like maybe there was something living inside that needed an air hole. I swished it a bit and a splash of the liquid hit the floor and immediately turned the shag carpet from its normal burgundy to a shaved, stained burnt orange. Hmm, must be high proof. I raced for the kitchen and grabbed the dirtiest Glencairn I could find. One still had a slimy, gray clump of tar at the bottom along with a few bits of tree bark stuck to the side- I had just sampled some Octomore the other day. Perfect, I thought. Once in the tasting glass, i gave it a swirl only to have the liquid fold over itself with a resounding "glop". I swirled it a bit harder and it rewarded me by revealing its legs- the legs of a quadruple amputee. That first sip really hit home. I've never tasted sadness until now. Salty tears of a clown college dropout. It clings to your tongue like your first obsessive ex-girlfriend. Run bro, run. The finish, well...it's not the fact the whisky is done so much as it's you're finished. My liver literally failed. I read on WebMD that you can restart a failed liver by chugging an American light lager so I shotgunned a couple of PBRs and that's the only reason I'm able to post this review right now. Overall, this is a solid first offering from the guys at Distiller. I still have 5-6oz left so I'm going to drink the rest of those PBRs in the fridge and invite the ex-wife over because she said we should get together over a couple of drinks and talk about reconciliation. Wish me luck. Cheers, my friends.