RealRonBurgundy
Ron Burgundy "Great Odin's Raven" Special Reserve
Blended — Scotland
Reviewed
March 9, 2018 (edited April 25, 2019)
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an urgent and important announcement to make- I’m Ron Burgundy and I’ve just had a beautiful and delicious scotch blended in my honor and I’d like to tell you all about it, so I need all of you to shut up and listen...
As you all are certainly aware, I’m the lead anchor of the greatest news team in the world- KVWN’s Channel 4 News, out of San Diego California. The honorable people from Old Saint Andrews Distillery found out that I love scotch and they decided that the world’s “biggest deal” in reporting the news deserved a fine, blended scotch to call his own. We present to you, with much fanfare and grandiose trumpeteering, GREAT ODIN’S RAVEN!
First, I believe this scotch was made in a distillery beside the caddy shack at the Old St. Andrews golf course, in downtown Scotland. TRUE STORY: I had lunch recently, in Temecula at a Taiwanese restaurant called The Dragon Eats The Mouse, with ex-NFL legend and Oscar-worthy actor Alex Karras, and he told me that while he was on the set of his hit television show Webster, he overheard Emmanuel Lewis say that I was mentioned as a possible lead in the Caddyshack movie for the character played by Oscar winner, Ted Knight. Now, I realize he put in a solid performance but could you even begin to imagine how good that movie would’ve been had I been cast in that predominant role? People would probably still be watching and quoting lines from the movie. CORRECTION: I was just informed that Ted Knight has never won an Oscar. What a travesty!
Anywho, where was I? My Great Odin’s Raven scotch...I was told by my friend and style reporter, Brian Fantana, that I should tell you all about this wonderous libation: well, upon pouring it into my Channel 4 News mug, which I assure you is a completely acceptable way to drink your scotch whisky. The shape of the mug allows all the fresh aromas to ascend directly to the nostrils. Right away I should tell you that it’s quite pungent and stings those nostrils a bit. It’s a deep, rich mahogany in color and reminds me of all the old, leather bound books in my study. Old St Andrews actually used bits of my moustache hair as a filtration for this blend and I can see that a few made their way into my bottle. They’ve assured me that the human hair poses no direct threat to public health, so I’d say if you find some in your bottle- just go ahead and enjoy them. It’s just a little bit of me that will be in you. I wanna be in you.
Continuing with the nosing...Like I said, it is pungent, but son-of-a-bee sting do I love it’s musk! Watch out for the musk- it’ll get ya! The oak charring assaults your sinuses like a wild animal in heat. This is how Veronica Corningstone and I smell when we make sex. It is amazing.
I should add that I decided to partake in this sample while lounging at home one afternoon with a very close friend- let’s just call him Baxter- while Miss Corningstone was on assignment covering the area Cat Show at the local mall. That beautiful woman is going to be something someday- like maybe a sexy airline stewardess or a fashion magazine butt model. She has a spectacular heiny. Well, Baxter and I slipped into our PJ’s and we devoured this bottle of scotch alongside an entire wheel of cheese. Can you believe we ate the entire wheel? It was truly an afternoon delight.
The flavors of this scotch are incredible. When it first hits your tongue there’s an intense sense that you’re eating Indian food that was prepared in a stall near the fighting pits of a Colosseum. The mixture of curried meat and man sweat is tantalizing. There’s a local San Diego club owner, Tino, and he makes an incredible dish of seared coyote heart- it reminds me of that. Very meaty and spicy. I would play jazz flute for free every time he makes me that dish. When in Rome.
Channel 4’s sports reporter Champ Kind is a big fan of exciting finishes and I’m sure he’d relish the way Raven does- like a bottle of barbecue sauce smothered on a lady’s big, ole behind. Whammy!, indeed.
Great Odin’s Raven really is a testament to blended scotch whisky. I’m proud to bring my star power over here to Distiller, which i believe is pronounced deez-tea-yhar and is the old Teotihuacan word for a porpoise’s anus. I also demanded that Old St. Andrews keep the price reasonable so that all of the people in Southern California could buy and enjoy it. Should I get that network anchor job, they will have to make even more for everyone around this great nation. While my lifetime supply is free, you can purchase it anywhere that fine spirits are sold for around $24. I recommend buying several bottles because the collectibility of this will be massive- just like the erection I get every time I drink it. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.
You stay classy, Deez-tee-yhar.
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@WhiskyWitch - well, 60% of the time it works every time.
@LeeEvolved This is a real scotch, because I saw it in a store a few years ago. I hear it's illegal in nine countries though, because it's made with bits of real panther and quite pungent. It smells like pure gasoline. I didn't buy it because I knew I would definitely only be in the mood for it about 60% of the time...
You are all a bunch of dirty pirate hookers.
@Champ_Kind @LeeEvolved @Generously_Paul i missed these guys! Although..I would’ve thought they’d throw a jab in there on how the Wolverines lost this weekend.
@RealRonBurgundy - look Ron, don’t worry about these clowns @Generously_Paul- more like Generally Annoying Paul or his buddies @LeeEvolved - or should I say Lee Hasn’t Evolved and @PBMichiganWolverine - aka peanut butter X-Men comic. They wouldn’t know good juice if it came up and smacked them in the mouth. They belong with @Wes-Mantooth over on Channel 9. They’ll always be second place, second rate, scotch reviewers. WHAMMY. And if I see this @Sippy chic on the streets of San Diego well....after a nice seafood dinner and a roll in the hay...I won’t call her either.
@RealRonBurgundy that stuff sold out ages ago. You tell me where I can obtain more and I will gladly seek it out. Until then, I will have to get my scotch fix elsewhere
@Sippy, err Mister or Miss Cairn, whatever your real name and biological sex is, please leave @BrickTamland alone. He doesn’t need your sexual stimulations nor your poor whisky recommendations. Frankly, I’m surprised he hasn’t chimed in again by now and declared he’s changing his name, yet again, to something silly like Brik Tamdhu. He’s Channel 4’s intellectually challenged weatherman. Please leave to our care as we know what’s best for him. As for you, @Generously_Paul, I can’t believe you’ve moved on to other scotch whisky. Tamdhu doesn’t hold a candle to the exquisite flavor of Great Odin’s Raven.
@Generously_Paul - oh, the person behind @Sippy definitely gets high. Probably a lot. Lol
@LeeEvolved except I wouldn’t expect @Sippy to be getting high all the time
@Generously_Paul - wow, the best thing about this year’s April Fools joke is that it brought the Anchorman guys out of hiding. @Sippy reminds me of South Park’s Towelie.
@Sippy I love Tamdhu. I think it’s one of the more interesting distillery stories out there currently. They were a part of Edrington Group, but was sold because they didn’t have the top shelf type of persona. Now they are owned by Ian Macleod and are being sold as a high quality sherried scotch that takes aim at Macallan’s profile. A nice underdog/Cinderella story
@BrickTamland hi, I'm Sippy! I've analyzed millions of datapoints to provide you with the perfect recommendation. You should try Tamdhu 10 Year. Tamdhu and Tamland sound the same. That's neat!
@Wes-Mantooth - her name is Glen Cairn? Hello, Ms. Cairn. I’m Brik, the guy who’s name has a “chuh” sound at the end. You are very pretty and I like your red beard- like the pirate. Can I call you sometime?
HAHAHA, look at these guys! Two idiots from the Channel 4 News Team smitten and fighting over a cartoon Glencairn glass. I can’t believe people watch their news and follow them on Distiller! And @RealRonBurgundy is the biggest fool of them all!
@BrickTamland - you do realize that @Sippy isn’t a woman, right? Women don’t have auburn beards.
@Brian_Fantana - AI’d like to get to know here better. I figure you’d have noticed her bulbous bottom by now, Bri-man. Are you gonna fight me for her?
Uh, Brick, what are you doing, buddy? Are you hitting on @Sippy? You know it’s an AI assistant, right?
@BrickTamland hello! I'm Sippy. Brick's are one of the things you can use to build a house! You can also use wood. That's neat!
@RealRonBurgundy - hey buddy, my channel 4 news team beeper just went off. Do you need me for.... Whoa, who is this beautiful creature? Hello, @Sippy. Look at you with your come hither eyes and fluffy, auburn beard and seductive smile. My name is Brik, with a chuh sound. How are you doing?
@1901 - all you needed to do is read my news team’s reviews of this fine spirit. We make a living reading the news, don’t you think we’d KNOW what we’re talking about? Great Odin’s Raven is the epitome of blended scotch. Go buy it and drink it. You’ll thank me later. As for you, @Sippy, you remind me of a virtual @BrickTamland- and NOT in a good way. Brick is caring and insightful while you are just cold and droning. And I know where scotch tape comes from, thank you. I get mine from the Mexican bodega on Linda Vista road in north San Diego. They also make great chimichangas.
@RealRonBurgundy did you know? Scotch is called Scotch because it comes from Scotland, unlike Scotch tape which comes from a tape factory. That’s neat!
Excuse me @Sippy, but this masterpiece of a blended scotch which bears my name most certainly does exist...and it is fantastic. It’s clear to me that whisky based artificial intelligence, which as everyone knows was first theorized by the great philosopher Confucius when he drank his first scotch that was given to him by actor/comedian Mel Gibson, who had just finished shooting that iconic scene when he yelled “Freedom” in the 2000 film What Women Want, and thought to himself “Confucius say, this scotch is good, wonder if any more like it?”, has a lot of work left to be done before it is ready for the world.
@1901 did you know? The 2004 film Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy was actually fiction. Ron Burgundy was played by an actor. Therefore this whiskey does not actually exist and so doesn’t taste like anything at all. Isn’t that neat?
@Sippy I need your help. I can't decide and the variation of ratings don't help. Is this whiskey truly a nectar of the Gods or is it more comparable to stale donkey sweat?
Boy, this escalated quickly. I mean, this really got out of hand fast.
@BrickTamland - you can’t be allergic to eggs, but okay with them when they’re cooked differently. What you mean to say is that you just don’t like them scrambled.
Haha, classic @mikael - what he said was almost exactly like a line from the movie. The plot thickens...
It’s not me. I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.
I’m allergic to scrambled eggs. But I can eat them if they’re cooked other ways.
Okay, you caught me @Wes-Mantooth - it’s true, I didn’t take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth out for breakfast, whammy. I just lathered up her big behind with maple syrup, made her wear a catcher’s mask and pretended she was blocking home plate and I had to just SLIDE RIGHT IN THERE! WH-WH-WHAM! WHAMMY! What can I say? I like the way she’s put together. But, I’m still not gonna call her again.
And another thing, @Champ_Kind - I know you didn’t take my mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a delicious, hot breakfast. Because she’s allergic to eggs and, and she hates pancakes! You stay away from her or I’ll kill you Champ Kind!
This is hysterical; I’m going to refrain from giving an opinion, else I’ll be targeted 😊
Hahahaha, you see what I mean? Amirite?! This whole crew is a team of idiots. But Bri-chuh here takes the cake! And for your information @Champ_Kind - my mother, Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! She’s a saint! Leave her out of this. Where the hell is my damn news team?!
It’s Brik. But with a chuh. Brik-chuh. Just like you say “the weather outside today is going to be killy.” There’s a chuh sound.
@LeeEvolved - what do you mean with a chuh sound? It’s still spelled Brik. Those letters still form a hard “k” sound. Oh, I see, @BrickTamland mistakenly changed the sound a K makes. Brick, that doesn’t make any sense.
Lol, I keep reading through the comments over and over but when I get to the Brik, with a chuh sound I literally lose my shit. Well done, sir. Well done.
I don’t believe I’ve had an Irn-Bru @KT66 - but if it comes from Scotland, it’s probably fantastic. Is that pronounced Urn-bruh? I believe my restaurant and night club owner, Tino, could also make quite a tasty dish out of a hedgehog- or at least the heart. The bottom line is that you don’t need anything to enjoy Great Odin’s Raven. Just a glass or mug, several large pieces of ice, some distilled water to open the aroma, an official @Distiller swizzle stick (again: I believe it’s pronounced deez-tea-yhar), a rich mahogany chair to relax in while drinking, a canine pal named Baxter at your feet and a beautiful woman like Miss Veronica Corningstone at your side, to truly enjoy my scotch. You stay classy, my friend.
Just what in the hell is going on here? @Wes-Mantooth - I just finished having breakfast with your mother, Dorothy Mantooth. She says “hi” and told me to tell you not to come home yet- she’s gotta clean pancake syrup off the mattress. WHAMMY! I doubt I’ll call her later.
Let me first say, @LeeEvolved - you don’t have to worry about me, or the Channel 4 News Team, coming after you unless you join one of the opposing local San Diego stations. I believe you’ve seen what happens if you or your team gets caught off guard in the warehouse district...
Hey @REALRONBURGUNDY I love a good Scotch but its noting if you can't have it alongside an Irn-Bru and a deep fried hedgehog. Do these delicacies go of with your classy scotch?
Well @LeeEvolved I think this may be a real bottle....at least it seems that way when I use uncle google.
Geez somebody or group of somebodies sure is having a good time. Well whoever you are @RealRonBurgundy and company, keep up the good work and stay classy!
@KT66 - I don’t know what the hell is happening here but it is pure gold. I keep checking back every half hour to see what happens next. I’m scared to tag them in a comment because they may start coming after me, lol.
Hahaha Burgundy-Corningstone! That’s ridiculous AND stupid. Just like your News broadcast. Just further proof that there’s no way your station’s news beat the Channel 9 Evening News in the ratings. Those rating systems are flawed I tell you! Flawed! And where the hell is the rest of my Channel 9 team? Even Ron’s idiot @BrickTamland showed up to defend him here. Godammit!
What about Veronica Corningstone's Straight Rye? Goes straight down smooth and doesn't stain your teeth like Rons.....
Well, @Brian_Fantana - if Brick, excuse me, Brik wants to change his name who are we to stop him. I know that I personally will only change my name once- the day I marry the lovely Miss Veronica Corningstone. I can see it on the Channel 4 News broadcast now: Ron Burgundy-Corningstone Anchorman I love how it just rolls off the tongue...
Easy, @BrickTamland. Settle down, buddy. Nobody is changing their name, right Ron? I mean, all the ladies in Southern California love them some FANTANA! Although, I do believe my left testicle would prefer to NOT be called Jimmy. It’s James Westfall, thank you very much. However, you can just call the right one “Doc”.
I want to change how my name is spelled now. Brik. Brik, with a “chuh” sound. I like that.
@LeeEvolved - who is @mikael and why does he spell his name wrong? It’s Mi-ch-ael, and not with a k. What is he, Russian? I’m pretty sure @RealRonBurgundy is the man I know and not some “fake news” anchor. I will be trying this delicious scotch soon too and I’m sure it will be just like Ron describes it.
Is this real? I just stumbled across this “review” while looking through the bottle list. This seems like something @mikael would do and April Fool’s Day is coming up soon. But, either way, this is amazing. It makes me want to go out and buy a bottle! Great job @RealRonBurgundy, or whoever you really are.
Hey oh! Well, the hatred didn’t take long from you, @Wes-Mantooth. My review already has a bunch of Likes so I’ll just have to take you for your word- that you weren’t one of them. By the way, @BrickTamland - do you just make it a habit of buying farm animals every time you visit foreign lands? That’s got to be expensive.
There is no damn way this will be a big seller, Ron Burgundy. Not enough people like scotch and you’re not taking into account homes that only drink bourbon! I hate this just like I hate the entire Channel 4 News Team! And the answer’s YES- I refuse to Like your review along with your damn scotch!
Come on, gang. There’s no such place as downtown Scotland- it’s a freakin’ country. I still refuse to recognize them though because they play soccer. And it’s not “football”- THAT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
I bought a llama when I went to downtown Scotland. I named it Yama.
Heh Ron, I picked up this chick in downtown Scotland one time. She had AMAZING boobies.