Fuck you COVID and fellow humans, I have not seen Cottonelle on the shelves for weeks. Do you know how much a vintage 2020 Cottonelle is going to be worth at auction in a few years? There are no whiskies that are as analogous to my disappointment with the human race as the Macallan Edition series. Around the time Macallan Ed 3 was being released, I still had 3 out-of-the-way small local liquor stores carrying edition 1 with probably about a dozen bottles on the shelves between them. I knew this edition was much less common than the celebrated edition 2, so I wound up buying 3 bottles, one at each store (because I have decency), at prices ranging from $105-120. I had no idea the secondary market was about to lose their shit for this whisky. I soon saw prices at online stores go above $500, and a friend was like, “Oh my god! You have edition 1?” So, I tried to go back to those stores to buy a bottle for him, and just like that, all 12 or so bottles had vanished. I have an Instagram whisky account, I guess the hipsters shorten this to WhiskyGram, only because my wife wanted me on Instagram to compete with our dog’s account. My account is MaltyMemories, in case you’re interested. I’m not giving you my dog’s account, because she’s winning. I see accounts on Instagram with people showing off about a case of unopened Macallan Editions 1, 2, and even the later editions. People are snatching up editions 3, 4, and 5? Really? It is like snatching up Cottonelle toilet paper. I would like to have Cottonelle, but I’m not heartbroken buying Kirkland Signature. It’s toilet paper. Macallan Edition series is toilet paper. I tried to convince myself that Edition 1 is the best, because it is the rarest, but let’s be honest, Macallan Edition 2 is the aloe-infused, extra-plush standout roll of toilet paper that gave celebrity to the series. Edition 2 had a sensible and realized purpose. Edition 1 is a bunch of different woods. In the end, this is slightly stronger Macallan 12 sherry oak circa 2014-15. Yeah, there’s more wood spices, if you’re into that thing. This is the most traditional Macallan of the Edition series, if you’re into that thing. But there’s also younger whisky that makes an unwelcomed appearance on the finish. And, in the end, it’s boring. Like Cottonelle, if unopened, you may have next month’s rent, if you can find a sucker; but, once opened, it’s just toilet paper. Score: 0 (forgettable) How much does a bottle cost: $800-2000+ on secondary market How much do I think a bottle is worth: $100 (if you are planning to consume it).