Two Founders 80 Acres Vodka

A creamy vodka from Iowa made from the richest & sweetest corn, distilled 5 times for a clean finish. February 2018 / 2019

Another vodka offering that seems limited to Total Wine stores, Two Founders 80 Acres isn't afraid to proudly display it's a corn vodka, with two corn cobs adorning the sides of the bottle. If you're a vodka drinker, you know what corn vodka means: lots of sweetness followed by a bitter end and 80 Acres vodka is no different. The nose is extremely straightforward and very neutral even for a vodka. There's the usual smell of alcohol but it has this faint chemical veneer. Weirdly it's not unpleasant but it is noticeable. The other aroma is of creamed corn. Both of these smells are present in a 1:1 ratio but are quite muted. The palate follows the nose. Creamed corn greets the front palate and lingers up to the mid palate providing a nice, almost cream-like sweetness to the vodka. From the mid palate on though you get this faint chemical taste. I can't explain why it doesn't feel as off-putting as it may sound. To be sure it isn't pleasant but it didn't ruin the experience for me. The finish is the expected bitterness inherent of corn vodkas intermingled with the faint chemical taste of the midpalate. It lingers a bit longer than usual, lasting for about 40 seconds before tapering off but it's not all bad news. As the faint chemical taste recedes, a nice sweet corn begins to emerge making the finish feel decent if underwhelming. There's a medium, fairly harsh burn to it as well that makes this one of the less smooth bottom shelf options on the market. Texture wise this stuff feels exactly like water. Matter of fact, from it's nearly neutral aromas to water-like texture and bitter finish, this reminds me a lot of a rough Smirnoff imitation. Like Smirnoff this is one of the most neutral vodkas on the market and it's cheaper too. If you're willing to put up with just a bit more harshness and neutral vodkas as your favorite, this may well be a decent budget option.

Rating: 10/23 N: I get alcohol on the nose, but who would have expected otherwise? There's a hint of grain, but otherwise it smells like faint chemical. Definitely not the worst chemical smell, but not appealing either. It's a more austere nose than Kirkland's French vodka or Beluga Noble. P: Kind of bitter but not in a way that screams chemicals (though I would definitely use the word chemical to describe this palate). Also quite watery. There's something that I guess I'd describe as artificial grain? I've never experienced quite this flavor before. It's disappointing, but not awful. The worst part here is the harshness. It's quite noticeably harsher than Beluga Noble and it quickly really starts to burn. It certainly isn't as harsh as Everclear 190, but its flavor isn't much better either. F: Not an awful finish. The harshness lingers, unfortunately, but that was to be expected. A soft, mellow bitterness that has a faintly chemical presence mixes with some nondescript sweetness. As a bland vodka that is fairly harsh, this succeeds. It has less character than Kirkland's French vodka does, but I can understand how that particular profile could be a turn-off for some I'm pretty neutral on the profiles between the two, but this one is definitely harsher. Personally, though, I also prefer the Kirkland flavor because the chemicals just aren't there. Despite their comparatively light presence, they are still the main flavor here. I would rate this fairly highly if only it were less harsh. As it is, I think a rating of 11 is the highest I can imagine, but it is probably at least an 8. I gave Everclear 190 a 9 rather than something more like a 7 because its high proof gave it potential for spiking juice without watering it down. This is better in terms of harshness and flavor, but it it certainly is more watery. As a neat drink, this is closer in quality to Kirkland French vodka than to watered down Everclear due to the harshness. Considering that and where each of them lie, I think 9 to 11 is more reasonable for this, with 9 being increasingly doubtful. I'm borderline between 10 and 11 on this, but I think I'm landing on 10 because the harshness is just a bit too much and the palate is neither interesting nor tasty.