Jim Beam Repeal Batch
Bourbon — Kentucky, USATasted May 6, 2021It’s ridiculous that I bought this for $8. I’m offended. I don’t know why or how or at whom but F this gay Earth if $8 gets me this. If ever you find yourself engaged in an argument about chill filtering vs non, $8 will settle the debate for once and for all. Buy this for that reason. Keep it. Cherish it. And enjoy the wink and the nod from the industry routinely punking out its own fan base. That’s so America. You thought you had us fooled didn’t you? Haha Fuck you Jim Beam for this amazing $8 bottle and I mean that in the best way possible.
Woodford Reserve Double Oaked
Bourbon — Kentucky, USATasted May 6, 2021This is super rich, almost chewy. And yes of course it’s oaky. I mean suck on a stick oaky. I thought I’d love it and at first I was kind of surprised the dry tannins didn’t have me singing it’s praises but there was something like too much wood and I hate that I just typed that. Now 99% of the time I take it all neat. But I did throw a few rocks in the glass on the last pour of this bottle and immediately wished I had done so earlier. It opened up huuuuuge. Excellent excellent juice. Not sure why but that tiny added bit of ice was like when Lebron spends a million dollars training in Miami every year mid season *cough*human growth hormone*cough and comes back a beast. Only unlike him this drink is respectable and isn’t a racist narcissistic douchebag. No no. This is woodford reserve and it dont need no growth hormones to kick ass. Just a lil ice.
The Real McCoy 5 Year Rum
Aged Rum — BarbadosTasted April 26, 2021I keep going back and forth on this like In Joe Manchin over here. Sometimes aim like “Ayyyy , we got ourselves a contender!” And sometimes I’m like Ayyyy what is this upstart juice?” Overall it’s solid if a tad on the thin side . It’s so complimentary to the Super woke super sketchy brand of Coke it’s the only label I’ll blend with it when no ones looking but the cat.
Redbreast 12 Year Cask Strength
Single Pot Still — IrelandTasted April 4, 2021"Great gollywockles this is the finest Irish whiskey I’ve ever encountered. This is liquid gold. Side by side with Redbreast 12 or 15 they don’t hold a candle to this masterpiece. So rich and so full. Everything I could ever want in a whiskey. My whole body is a boner right now.
Fruit Liqueurs — NetherlandsTasted April 4, 2021It couldn’t possibly be made any cheaper. Cloying thick melted candy meets Dimetapp left in a hot car for two days. The color and the overly fake raspberry mushy flavor might be serviceable as a float on the top of an already ridiculous 20 oz island drink with a beer floating in it upside down or maybe smuggled in your back pack to junior high school dance but other than that I can’t think why you’d want this. I don’t want it. But I’m stuck with it and it sucks. Just like Joe Biden.
The Real McCoy 12 Year Rum
Aged Rum — BarbadosTasted April 3, 2021This is a bourbon mans rum. Dorky way to say if you like bourbon the odds are you will like this. It’s distinctly rum but the mouthfeel, the wood sugars, the color even is more reminiscent of a solid straight bourbon. Oh yeah and the 12 years it spent in bourbon barrels probably helps. Not helps. Strike that. Replace “Helps” with “Hath made it so”. Or “hath rendered it thusly”. Or if those English word abominations I offered are far too course and distasteful, make up your own, sheesh, get off my back. I am so overwhelmed lately by all these strawmen who follow me around critiquing everything I write.
Writers' Tears Copper Pot
Blended — IrelandTasted April 2, 2021"Easy and pleasant. Lots of banana Runtz on the nose and palate. Borderline sickly sweet though I’m sensitive to that meaning I don’t like it. Unique mash bill and definitely worth pursuing though it’s not for everyone. Must buy at least once. Came highly recommended. But take that with a grain of salt because Joe Biden also came highly recommended and he is a complete shit show. Rule for life: If NPR, CNN, BBC, MSNBC, Reddit, Vice, Washington Post or NYT endorse it, stay as far away as possible.
Evan Williams Single Barrel Vintage 2010
Bourbon — Kentucky, USATasted April 2, 2021Inexpensive and I think I know why. Dude this glass bottle is so boring. If you are shallow you won’t be buying this. If you’re a book under the cover judger you might be pleasantly surprised. As far as the juice in the ugly vessel, it’s more diamond than rough. Let me see if I can nail this in one take: Cinnamon fruit cake cornbread wrapped in honey-dipped sun-dried leather strips eaten with fresh hand-carved oaken chopsticks. Yep. That’s what this is like. Anyone tells you otherwise is a liar or at least less imaginative. So if you’ve already done that, by that I mean eaten the cornbread prepared like that and in that manner then there is nothing for you here in the way of new experience unless you’re on the hunt to collect all the Heaven Hill ugly ass bottle club members. Cuz dude that glass bottle is ugly.
Eagle Rare 10 Year Bourbon
Bourbon — Kentucky, USATasted April 2, 2021"I go back and forth on this one, but the quota-challenging, narrative-denying American spirit in me won’t allow to go with the grain just so the cool kids won’t shame me on social media. I suppose that makes me sort of an uncommon Patriot....might I say....a Rare Eagle? No. I wont go there. That’s super wack. And I am here to deliver the smack. As in smack down. As in boldly declare Eagle Rare is overrated. I consistently read about its value, scarcity and quality. I’m a buffalo trace fan so it’s hard for me to go against the grain i help establish, but Eagle Rare has some odd unique but indistinct flavor profile I just can’t get behind. It’s not doll but it’s briney and astringent and off-putting. The rest of the experience is great...mouthfeel, initial burst of American bourbony booyah...but that lingering aftertaste makes me wince. 3 different bottles now from 3 different sources drank alongside 3 different wenches under 3 different moons from 3 different vessels while threeing three different threes makes me confident my opinion is now the definitive truth regarding this decent disappointment. I kind of hate myself for even putting this out there because I’m a shameless BT fanboy. Sorry BT. I’ll still recommend it because I have no shame and because I’m supposed to but secretly and also openly it is far from my favorite."
The Glenlivet Founder's Reserve
Single Malt — Speyside, ScotlandTasted April 2, 2021"I want to hate this but I dont. I want to be super mean to it but I can’t. It’s not highly interesting and it’s a bit watery. But it’s supposed to be. Once I learned from the brand ambassador in the area it was designed as a gateway glen for cocktails and newbs I had to change tact. For what they claim they set out to do they’ve accomplished. It’s an entry level scotch but the world needs those too and why can’t one of those come from glenlivet? Well ladies, laddies and translexxies, look no further; it just pulled up riding caboose on a banana boat. The flavor...it’s full of bananas! The sensation...it’s full of pleasant! This review....it’s full of terrible!