Tastes

Nose - astringent grain, bitter herbal notes, black pepper, high ethanol burn. Taste - sour grain, lemon pith, bitter herbal and floral notes, black pepper, high alcohol bite, finishing medium length with sour grain, black pepper, and assorted bitter flavors. So I have a rule that I do my tastings neat or with a few drops of water at most. I’m breaking that rule on this one. Out of curiosity, I tried a sip at its full 190 proof, and I won’t be doing that again for a while. It’s almost comical how quickly the brain tells the body to reject it. I didn’t even try to swallow. You can feel all the saliva immediately wick from your mouth. In fact, this is rated as a food-grade household cleaner, but it can be sold in some states for consumption as well. This isn’t good. Even watered down to 80 proof, it tastes extremely harsh and sour, almost industrial. It’s only distilled twice, as compared with most premium vodkas which are distilled at least four times. I’m sure this accounts for the general roughness of the entire experience. This is more of a novelty than a serious spirit to add to the cabinet, unless you want to relive your college days and whip up some jungle juice. I’d rather down half a bottle of Jim Beam Original than swallow one ounce of this at full strength.

Nose - chalky grain, sweet oat, black pepper, mineral water, dry herbal notes, lemon pith, moderate ethanol burn. Taste - chalky grain, lemon and grapefruit zest, mineral water, black pepper, sweet oat and honey, dry herbal and floral notes, mild to moderate alcohol bite, finishing medium short with soft grain, sweet oat, and citrus zest flavors. The nose is slightly more ethanol forward than I prefer, but it has the same chalky grain forward quality I appreciate in vodkas like Russian Standard and Stoli. Additionally, there are nice oat and subtle honey notes that I assume come from the barley component of the distillate. I don’t think I like this as much as Ketel One and Stoli, but it’s close to Russian Standard for me, albeit less austere and more fruit forward on the palate. This is solid vodka, and it’s about on par with Jim Beam Original for me.

Nose - dry grain, black pepper, dry herbal notes, moderate ethanol burn. Taste - chalky grain, sweet vanilla, black pepper, lemon zest, dry herbal notes, mild to moderate alcohol bite, finishing medium short with sweet, chalky grain, black pepper, and lemon zest flavors. This looks to be a Total Wine brand, but there’s not much information to be found online. I grabbed a sample because the bottle looked cool, which is usually a bad sign. To my surprise, this isn’t bad vodka at all. In fact, it reminds me a lot of Russian Standard. It’s exceedingly neutral and robustly grain forward. There’s almost a chalky texture to the palate. Outside of the standard grain, black pepper, and herbal notes, there’s very little to identify. No real fruitiness or floral qualities, save for a hint of vanilla and a bit of lemon zest. It’s solid, no nonsense vodka, which is good when executed well, like it is here. I’d need to do a side by side with this against Russian Standard to know for sure, but I think I like this slightly less as there’s a bit more harshness on the nose. It’s close though. Close enough to notch this above the pack, but not good enough to make my top five. I’d rather drink Jim Beam Original, however it’s not far off.

Nose - fresh cucumber, lime juice, wet grass, artificial sweetener, black pepper, mild ethanol burn. Taste - sour cucumber, sweet lime, a stronger grain, black pepper, vanilla, artificial sweetener, mild alcohol bite, finishing medium length and grainy with sour cucumber, lime juice, vanilla, and artificial sweetener flavors. This isn’t as bad as those Absolut Juice offerings, but it’s definitely not as good the Effen Cucumber I tried yesterday. The chemically, artificial sweetener flavor isn’t great. Actually as I’m writing this piece after the tasting, I’m getting a lot of that dry, chemically taste you find lingering after drinking Diet Coke or dumping some Sweet’N Low on your tongue. It’s really off putting. I was planning to score this a bit higher, but can’t get past that weird cloying sensation on the finish, so this is getting a trash rating. I’m sure it’s fine when mixed, but I’d rather take a swig from that Jim Beam Original bottle than mess with this ever again.

Nose - blood orange zest, grapefruit juice, sweet grain, black pepper, light vanilla, mild to moderate ethanol burn. Taste - blood orange, salted vanilla, black pepper, orange blossom, sweet grain, mild to moderate alcohol bite, finishing medium length with blood orange juice, orange blossom, and savory vanilla flavors. This is a well executed flavored vodka. The blood orange notes are dialed in and integrated well, but don’t dominate the experience. The nose leans toward a grapefruit citrus note and the grain backbone is still detectable. The palate is less zesty with more fruit juiciness, and there’s a really nice creamy, salted vanilla flavor thrown into the mix along with some soft, floral orange blossom. I’m sure this mixes well, but it’s completely acceptable taken neat. On most days, I think this would be a tastier sipper than Jim Beam Original.

Nose - salted cucumber, cucumber water, soft grain, black pepper, mild ethanol burn. Taste - salted cucumber, black pepper, fresh vegetal notes, soft grain, mild alcohol bite, finishing medium length with salted cucumber, fresh vegetal notes, and black pepper flavors. Effen captured the cucumber essence very well here. It presents very much like cucumber salad or cucumber infused water. The nose and palate are very similar, but the nose is rather soft and fresh while the palate is a bit spicier. I think it’s as well executed as their Blood Orange offering, however I don’t think I like the profile quite as much. Still it’s pretty solid, and I’m not bothered by drinking it neat. I think it’s about on par with Jim Beam Original for me.

Nose - candied pear, elderflower, caramel, mild ethanol burn. Taste - sweet pear, elderflower, black pepper, tart apple, grass, mild to moderate alcohol bite, finishing medium short with sweet elderflower, pear, and sour apple flavors. I don’t like this any better than the Apple edition. There’s no question that this must be mixed to have any chance of being pleasant. Taken neat, the flavors are too syrupy and sickly sweet. Once again, I feel the need to take a shot of Jim Beam Original to cleanse the palate.

Nose - apple Jolly Rancher, tart apple cider, mild ethanol burn. Taste - apple cider, candied apple, honey, pear, grass, ginger, mild to moderate alcohol burn, finishing medium short with sour apple, cider, and sugary fruit flavors. This is cloying with significant candy sweetness. It’s difficult to drink more than a few sips of this neat. It begs to be mixed with something to cut the sticky sweetness. I’d like to take a shot of Jim Beam Original to wash this taste out of my mouth.

Nose - lime zest, limeade, grass, apple skin, black pepper, vanilla, sour grain, dry floral notes, green lollipop, mild to moderate ethanol burn. Taste - green lollipop, underripe apple, lime juice, sour grain, floral notes, black pepper, mild to moderate alcohol bite, finishing medium short with lime candy, sour grain, and grassy floral flavors. Lime flavors and aromas are present, but take a backseat to sour apple and a floral perfume note. I’m also getting a strong flashback to being in the dentist’s office as a child and picking out one of those cheap, green lollipops. Once you find that note, it’s hard to ignore. Overall this isn’t great, but I like it much better than the Mandarin expression. Still this is meant to be a mixer, but it’s absolutely not undrinkable. I’d rather have Jim Beam Original, but could see drinking this alongside standard Absolut and not having a strong preference between them.

Nose - orange and mandarin zest, sour lemonade, sweet grain, vanilla, floral notes, grass, mild to moderate ethanol burn. Taste - orange and lemon pith, sour lemonade, harsh grain, dry herbal and floral notes, mild to moderate alcohol bite, finishing medium short with bitter citrus, harsh grain, and dry herbal flavors. The mandarin is present on the nose, but orange and lemon are the predominant aromas I perceive. It’s a bit like homemade lemonade that has way too much sour lemon influence. The palate is much worse, with the zesty citrus peels on the nose transforming into bitter pith. More dry herbal flavors sneak in along with some rather astringent grain notes. Obviously this is meant to be mixed, but I’m scoring on its neat drinkability. And there is none. Dump this in some ginger ale and call it a day. Or better yet, swap this for Jim Beam Original and make a tastier cocktail.